My apologies for my hiatus every now and then, it just happens without me really realising that i’ve not been doing my work on the net to only crystallize all my thoughts as memories for the day, and liquidated the very next. It’s a foolish thing to trust your memory sometimes, as though it’s an everlasting source, much like the way we store files in the computer.
Since my last post, Italy won the World Cup, a tsunami hit Indonesia, chaos in Beirut, I’ve graduated, I went to Melbourne and got back home today, I experience writer’s block on a current undertaking, I challenged myself with several ideas that i would love to work on, I’ve decided to go back home to beautiful Malaysia on the 20th of August, I’m spending well ahead of any graduation benefits i’m bound to receive, 1/3 of the money going to a desperate recklessness of curing my ailing restlessness of buying the 55th Melbourne Film Festival Passport which allows me to watch each and every single film showing at 5 different locations in Melbourne city. As the festival lasts for 19 days and i’m only going to be there for 11, i’ve booked myself 50 films to watch in those frantic 11 days. It’s going to be quite a feat, an incredible one for me. That’s youthful recklessness for you.
For one, my festival passport was paid by my bro (and he paid for a lot else too) while i paid for me own flight tickets back to Melbourne a 2nd time, as i belatedly waited for 3 days to learn of my impending final exam results before letting my plans for a 2nd trip to Melbourne be known to my family. Many people will have you believe that people should do whatever they feel like doing, that you should have aims and ambitions in life, and in my opinion there are two types of people in that regard. First, a person who slogs and works hard enough to gain what he has willed to achieve, and second, a person who selfishly accomplishes what he wants without much deliberate consideration of the means; hence the term ‘reckless’ comes to the fore on my behalf.
My lack of drive and motivation from my younger years in school has caught up with me, and now i’m vigorously making up for loss time from those days, capitulating me to making a rather rushed, and somewhat weird holiday. I was gutted to be missing the Sydney Film Festival as my exams were at the same time, and i was still partly working during that period to help support my expenses living here. And now, restless that i have not much claim to having done anything worthwhile, i will be gearing myself for a full 2 weeks of the arts and movies study; watching and making notes out of everything that i will be treated to at the cinemas come August. I’m already challenging to conjure some form of fiction to validate my experiences, to test my abilities and push myself into doing something i would really cherish.
While i’m proudly declaring my stout defiance on trying to live my life to the fullest, it did not come without marathons of contemplation, guilt and tying up a sense of fulfillment to do as i see fit. It’s just not me to do something rashful such as parting with money without contriving about the impact on net wealth, and the satisfaction i’m gaining from it. The worst bout of trying to make some sense of it all came after purchasing my air ticket, and festival passport for a sum total of $400 which took me some time to realise that i’m really doing it. At that time i was even calling myself foolish to have gone there earlier, and bemoaned my lack of planning that has contributed to a further decline in my financial position.
But now, with this post, i’m looking forward to the coming weeks, and extremely happy to being part of my own epic adventure that i will want to make as fulfilling as possible, harnessing all the ideas and insight that i should really be taking note of, and come up with something to even surprise and surpass my own imaginations. I’m talking about concocting a project that would be the first of many for me, and you will be the first to know of it and see it here.
On a side note, Melbourne was fun. Met up with my high school friend there, and spent 3 days out of 7 letting my mind go bonkers thinking about what i’d be doing on my 2nd time there in exactly 2 weeks time, armed with my glasses, notepad and pen, along with my laptop. I’m ecstatic.
